I’ve made several commitments to myself and God in the last couple weeks. They’re not new year’s resolutions….maybe they’re “new me” resolutions.
- I will spend time with God every morning. I will not waste time staring at Facebook instead of getting ready for work. I will not look for any and every excuse to keep my eyes and my heart unfocused.
- I will write things. I’ve chosen the format of a WordPress blog in order to have public accountability—and because typing is easier and faster than writing in a journal, and it looks a lot better visually. I will keep the blog and write in it regularly for at least one year. Saving face is a good motivator for me–when I decided to run a half marathon I told everyone I knew and put it all over Facebook. After that, I had no choice but to follow through.
These are such simple things, but so fraught with needless fear. There’s something in me that says What if I get close to the Lord and He lets me down? I know that he won’t leave me, but do fear that I will be disappointed in Him. But this is the year of YES, of letting go of fear, to saying Yes to opportunities that come no matter how scary.
These commitments resolved themselves during Natalie Grant and Charlotte Gambill’s Dare to Be event. I asked God to let me hear His voice among the ruckus of day-to-day life – in the inundations of media, entertainment, work, Bible studies….and He replied, Why don’t you just be quiet and listen for a while?
It took me a couple of days to be quiet enough to listen and then I remembered how good it feels to write things down, how I can remember things when I write them down, and how I’ve remembered this on and off for the past twenty years. A friend reiterated something I once knew but had forgotten – God’s nudging is found in recurrences.
It’s been many years since I thought I wanted to write the Great American Novel. Instead I will write my own great conversation with God right here.