I’ve been drifting downstream for a while now. I bravely jumped into the new almost two years ago and left Whatcom County for Idaho but my bravery has deserted me-or I ditched it somewhere–and I’m back to drifting downstream, following the path of least resistance, not looking for challenges–intellectual, personal, anything else.
The quote above is from Joy Davidman, an American writer who married a well known English writer/professor/lay theologian. I don’t yet know enough about her story to know what really made her brave, other than she reached out to this fellow writer, moved to England, married him, and then soon after died of cancer. That’s enough. Any one of those things are brave. Any one of those things I would be reluctant to do, although I say I want to do the first two (write and move to England). The third, marrying an Englishman, would be an unbelievable super-bonus.
There is no doubt there are seasons where all you can do is hang on by your fingernails and survive. But that desire to thrive never quite goes away. It hangs out in the background, emanating disapproval when I come home from work and watch another episode of Grace and Frankie and play another game of Candy Crush or worst of all, mindlessly scroll Facebook instead of doing–what? Anything. Learning something. Trying something. Failing at something.
The self-sabotage struggle is real. What would happen indeed if I was brave enough to do ALL the things I imagine? What if I was brave enough to stop filling my days with fluff and filler? What if I stopped seeing obstacles and started seeing opportunities for faith and opportunities for growth. What if I wrote down all the things I wanted to stay to you here and clicked “Publish?” What if I could spell out everything in my heart? Would I be grow brave enough?
What would you do if you should ever grow brave?